Noah Kahan

Growing Sideways

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So I took my medication
And I poured my trauma out
On some sad-eyed middle aged man's
Over-priced new leather couch.

And we argued about jesus
Finally found some middle ground
I said I'm cured.

And I've divvied up my anger
Into thirty separate parts
Keep the bad shit in my liver
And the rest around my heart.

And I'm still angry at my parents
For what their parents did to them
But it's a start.

But I ignore things
And I move sideways
'till I forget what
I felt in the first place.

At the end of the day
I know there are worse ways
To stay alive.

'cause everyone's growing
And everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me.

Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive.

So I forgot my medication
Fell into a manic high
Spent my savings at a lulu
Now I'm suffering in style
Why is pain so damn impatient
Ain't like it's got a place to be
Keeps rushing me.

But I ignore things
And I move sideways
'till I forget what
I felt in the first place.

At the end of the day
I know there are worse ways
To stay alive.

'cause everyone's growing
And everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me.

Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive.

And if all my life was wasted
I don't mind I'll watch it go
It's better to die numb than feel at all.

Oh, if all my time was wasted
I don't mind I'll watch it go
It's better to die numb than feel at all.

So I ignore things
And I move sideways
'till I forget what
I felt in the first place.

At the end of the day
I know there are worse ways
To stay alive.

'cause everyone's growing
And everyone's healthy
I'm terrified that I might never have met me.

Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty
I guess I'll drive
I guess I'll drive.